Personal Haven - The Third Place
Saturday, 10 January 2026
The thought of life without the steady anchor of a career is daunting, especially when the walls of home feel heavy. There's the fear of being adrift, of facing difficult dynamics head-on: the quiet friction with a spouse, the challenge of connecting with an adult son, and the nagging feeling of not having done or been enough for them. But do you have to carry the burden of fixing it all?
Go find a space that is truly yours, a place for personal renewal, a personal heaven.
After 45 years of shouldering the responsibility for the family, I thought (expected) that I had earned the grace where my family would tend to me.
With the kind mercy of Allah Kareem, who has always given me the strength to carry them. Now, Allah will give me the strength to carry myself through this next chapter.
I am not lost; I am simply charting a new path toward a different kind of purpose and peace.
Ya Allah, help.
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 10, 2026,
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Labels: Real Life
posted by AI @ January 09, 2026,
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Random Blood Sugar - January 2026
On 05 January 2026, the random glucose level in the afternoon was 181 mg/dL
Labels: Health, Type 2 Diabetes
posted by AI @ January 09, 2026,
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My Sunday Funday Extravaganza
Thursday, 8 January 2026
The morning kicks off with me playing the lazy general, sprawled across the bed like I’m trying to make up for the 5 days of the past week. My wife, bless her, storms in with a mug of coffee so divine it could wake a hibernating bear. “What’s for breakfast, champ?” she asks, tempting me with visions of my favourite crispy aloo ka paratha with fluffy scrambled eggs and last night’s epic lentil curry. I’m still maybe debating whether to rise or snooze when my son comes in, announcing, “Forget cooking, I’ve brought Bundu Khan for the ultimate breakfast haul."
Cue the family piling around the table for what I call brunch bonanza—because who has time for cold parathas when you’ve got piping-hot deliciousness to devour? We laugh, we munch, we maybe even argue over the last kebab. It’s chaos, and I love every second of it.
By midday, I’m parked at my study desk (I love my desk and my new system), pretending to be flipping through Sunday newspapers and skimming emails. Notifications? Pfft, they can wait. I’m too busy catching up on the world’s drama (and maybe sneaking a peek at my social media).
Come late afternoon, it’s time to suit up—either to roll out with my wife to visit one of our daughters or to prep for their invasion of our home base. The real mission? Chasing my grandkids around, playing hide-and-seek like I’m still spry enough to win. Spoiler: they always find me, but their giggles are worth every defeat.
Read more »Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 08, 2026,
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Gratitude
Wednesday, 7 January 2026
Greateful for:
Giving the monthly household amount without uttering a single word.
Putting that knee cap to good use.
Getting an email from the CVAC for the deposit of a passport for the issue of a visa [01 Oct 2025].
Hassele free deposit of passports for Canadian sisas [6 Oct 2025].
[Almost] controlled sugar level [7 Oct 2025].
posted by AI @ January 07, 2026,
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Releasing with Love on My Son's Birthday
On this day (30 October), the anniversary of your birth, my son, I release the weight of our strained years into the hands of Allah, trusting His mercy to bridge what words and time have not. My prayer remains unchanged: may He draw you gently into the light of deen-e-Islam, crown your work with lasting success, and gift you a marriage filled with laughter, comfort, and unshakable peace beside a spouse whose presence feels like home. Though distance lingers between us, my heart holds only goodwill — let go I must, yet never the hope of watching you flourish, build your own loving family, and walk a path radiant with joy. Happy birthday; may every step forward be blessed.
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 07, 2026,
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Stop Requiring Gratitude For Basic Parenting
Constantly reminding adult children of your sacrifices doesn’t generate gratitude - it creates resentment. Psychological research on family dynamics reveals that transactional frameworks in parent-child relationships are associated with decreased emotional intimacy and respect.
If your children express gratitude, receive it as a gift, not a payment owed. Your parenting was not a loan; their adult respect is not an interest due. [1]
Read more »
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 07, 2026,
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How To Manage Your Boss
Tuesday, 6 January 2026
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 06, 2026,
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Expectations
For example, we had this routine set up: every morning, she'd check her sugar levels and then mine right after. Only once that's done would I have breakfast. If it didn't happen, I'd head to work on an empty stomach, so that I could get it checked at the office before eating anything there. It seemed practical at first, but I've noticed how much of a burden it's become for her. She feels uncomfortable about it, dodging it every other day with some excuse or another.
Instead of bothering me, get yourself the latest Rs. 16,000 glucometer.
I've decided it's time to let her off the hook—to free her from this obligation entirely. Maybe I should invest in another glucometer for myself, or make it a habit to go to work fasting and grab something once I'm there and checked. It feels like the right step toward independence, even if it stings a little to admit the routine's unraveling.
And yet, where is that elusive balance everyone always talks about? The one that's supposed to make relationships flow without all this tension? I'm searching for it, but it feels just out of reach.
Reflecting on this helps, though. Writing it out reminds me that change isn't failure; it's adaptation. Tomorrow's a new day to try.
posted by AI @ January 06, 2026,
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Gratitude
Monday, 5 January 2026
Grateful for:
Normal Holter report.
Talking to Aslam Lohar, a class fellow in the village school many decades ago.
Biometric failed, the Proof of Life Certificate was admitted (5 Sept 25).
Living in the AI era. Being able to use AI.
New fridge in my office. Also, a new system in the office [9 Sept 25].
The boss came to say goodbye before leaving for the USA [9 Sept 25].
Sis is coming for dinner this evening in DeSOM.
Normal random glucose level [10 Sept 25].
Speaking to Eman and finding her normal and happy.
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Keep Your Mouth Shut And The Welcome Mat Out
The book highlights the importance of boundaries—whether financial, emotional, or relational—to avoid enabling poor choices while maintaining open communication. Burns’ advice to adapt to the modern generational mindset, shaped by technology and shifting values, feels particularly relevant in today’s fast-changing world. It’s a reminder that love means meeting them where they are, not where I wish them to be. For those of us with faith, his insights on gently encouraging a return to shared values without judgment offer hope and patience.
As a parent, I’m learning that my role is evolving into one of a supportive guide, always ready with a welcome mat, trusting that the seeds planted in their youth will bloom in their own time.
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Writing Through the Storm
I've been considering shifting my approach to journaling, focusing on gratitude and positivity. Writing about the good things in my life, no matter how small, could help me cultivate a more optimistic mindset and appreciate the beauty in everyday moments. Gratitude journaling might allow me to tap into the joy and happiness I experience, rather than just dwelling on difficulties. By reflecting on what I'm thankful for, I may find that my journal becomes a source of comfort and inspiration, not just a problem-solving tool. Who knows, this new approach might just help me develop a more consistent journaling habit and a more positive outlook on life.
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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A House Remade, A Heart Adrift
I don’t resent our son for stepping up; he’s doing what he thinks is right, making his mother happy. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Yet, I can’t shake this sense of being sidelined. My opinions didn’t seem to matter in the face of their shared determination. I don’t validate the endless projects, the constant “upgrading,” but I also don’t have a solid reason to complain. She’s happy, and our son is proud of his work. So why do I feel defeated? It’s like I’ve lost some unspoken battle, my voice drowned out in the clamor of change.
There’s a tension in me that I can’t ignore. It’s not anger, exactly, but a quiet unease, a tightness in my chest when I walk through rooms that no longer feel like mine. I wonder if I’m being unreasonable, clinging to a version of home that only exists in my head. Maybe this is just what it means to share a life—letting go of some control, letting others’ happiness take the lead. Still, I can’t help but feel irrelevant, like a bystander in my own story. I need to find a way to make peace with this, to carve out my space again, but for now, I’m just sitting with the weight of it all, hoping clarity comes soon.
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Where Were You
Sunday, 4 January 2026
I bite my tongue, avert my gaze, pretending not to see. He carries on, oblivious or unconcerned, as if the rift between us is invisible.
Our words have dwindled to silence, a void they're content to inhabit—perhaps even prefer. But I am adrift in it.
How do I cultivate that indifference, that couldn't care less, armor? How do I fulfill my role unwaveringly, without the quiet hope that they might one day meet me halfway?
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Gratitude
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Where Were You?
My married son, living with us, has expressed that my 'inquiries' undermine his autonomy and independence, hindering his ability to take charge of his own life. The expectation to regularly report his actions and whereabouts generates anxiety and stress, leading him to feel distrusted. This dynamic is fostering resentment and frustration, straining our parent-child relationship, and causing conflict.
Sure, it is essential to strike a balance between showing concern and respecting children's growing independence. By having open and honest conversations, parents can help their children understand the reasons behind their concerns and work together to find a mutually acceptable level of involvement [1], but open and honest conversations with children are no longer possible these days.
Read more »Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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I hold you close in my heart, and I let go with my hands
If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ 'ugh,' nor yell at them - Surah Al-Isra - 23
Striking the balance between guiding him and granting him independence is a delicate dance. There’s a constant tug-of-war between wanting to steer him toward wise choices and stepping back to let him discover his own way. I’ve come to realize that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. It’s about being there without hovering, offering wisdom without control, and embracing the messiness of his journey as uniquely his own.
My greatest wish is for an honest, open relationship in which we can enjoy our joys, confess our fears, and struggle together without criticism. I want to be his friend, not his critic, encouraging his hopes while not allowing myself to project my own. Unconditional love, I am discovering, is rejoicing in who he is, not in who I would like him to be.
Finally, my prayer for him, "Ya Allah, guide him nearer to our faith, deen-e-Islam. Illuminate his path ahead. Grant him success in his profession. Bless him with a joyful and fulfilling marriage. May his spouse be a continuous source of comfort and peace for him. And allow me the joy of witnessing him thrive, flourish, and build a loving family of his own."
That said, this voyage is not without its aggravations. Daily frustrations—what I refer to as his "Charge Sheet"—push me to my limits. Whether his obstinacy, a neglected task, or an act of defiance, these minor provocation moments cause me to stop and consider.
Read more »
Labels: Charge Sheet, He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Hard Work Doesn’t Speak For Itself
Saturday, 3 January 2026
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Let It Be (Again)
Last night (27 Aug 2025), I found myself in that familiar, painful cycle with my son again. I had promised myself I’d stay quiet, keep my distance, and let him have the space he needs. I’ve been trying so hard to avoid arguments, knowing how unfair and draining they feel. But somehow, he has this way of pulling me in, like a tide I can’t resist, and before I know it, I’m caught up in the moment, unable to stay silent. It happened again this evening, and now I’m left feeling hurt, exhausted, and defeated.
Why does this keep happening? I want to let things be, to protect my peace, but it’s like he knows exactly how to spark a reaction. Maybe it’s not intentional, or maybe it is—either way, it leaves me questioning myself. Am I failing to set boundaries? Am I too sensitive to his words? Or is this just the reality of living with someone whose approach to conflict feels so different from mine? Or do I see his mother (my wife) behind everything? I feel torn between wanting to connect with him and wanting to shield myself from this pain.
I’m starting to see that my silence, while it feels like control, might not be the answer. It’s like I’m bottling up everything, and when the moment comes, it spills out anyway. I don’t want to keep feeling this way—drained, like I’ve lost a piece of myself in these moments. I think I need to find a new way to respond, something that honors my need for peace but also acknowledges that I can’t always avoid these situations. Maybe it’s about being clear with my boundaries, not just in my head but out loud, calmly, before things escalate. Or maybe it’s about finding ways to recharge after these moments, so I don’t carry the hurt as long.
For now, I’m going to give myself grace. I’m allowed to feel hurt, and I’m allowed to struggle with this. Tomorrow, I’ll try something small—maybe a walk to clear my head or a few minutes of deep breathing when I feel that pull again. I want to find a way to stay true to myself, even in these hard moments. I don’t have all the answers yet, but writing this down feels like a step toward understanding.
Read more »Labels: Let It Be
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Fake Emergencies
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Let It Be
This approach doesn’t mean endorsing harmful actions or abandoning boundaries. Letting people be involves distinguishing between what’s within your control and what isn’t. For example, you might disagree with a friend’s lifestyle but choose not to lecture them, focusing instead on your own values and boundaries. If their behavior crosses a line - say, disrespecting you - you can still hold them accountable or distance yourself without trying to reshape their core identity. It’s about releasing the need to micromanage others’ lives while maintaining your standards. This balance requires emotional maturity, as it asks you to manage your discomfort with differences without reacting impulsively.
Practicing letting people be can also be liberating for yourself. When you stop over-investing in others’ choices, you conserve mental energy and reduce frustration. It shifts your focus to what you can control: your reactions, boundaries, and growth. For instance, if a family member makes decisions you find puzzling, letting them be might mean trusting they’ll learn from their experiences rather than intervening. This mindset aligns with philosophies like stoicism, which emphasizes focusing on your own sphere of influence, or mindfulness, which encourages non-judgmental observation. Over time, it cultivates healthier relationships and inner peace, as you allow space for both yourself and others to evolve naturally.
Letting people be doesn’t mean being indifferent or ignoring harmful choices, especially when it involves someone you’re responsible for, like your son. Indifference implies disengagement or apathy, where one dismisses someone’s actions entirely, regardless of the consequences. Letting be, in contrast, involves a mindful choice to allow people space to make decisions - within reason - while staying attentive to situations that require input, particularly when those choices could cause harm to themselves or others. For a parent, this balance is crucial, as your role involves guiding your child without overcontrolling their every move.
If your son is making a visibly wrong choice, whether to let it be applies depends on the issue’s severity and his age or maturity. For minor missteps like choosing an impractical outfit, letting go might mean allowing him to face natural consequences. This builds independence and learning through experience. However, if the choice is serious - say, engaging in risky behavior like substance use or breaking important rules - you shouldn’t ignore it. Judging harshly or trying to forcibly “rectify” might alienate him, but stepping in with clear communication is key. For example, express your concern calmly, explain the risks, and involve him in problem-solving to respect his growing autonomy while guiding him away from harm.
The middle ground is active engagement without overcontrol. Instead of judging, aim to understand his perspective, ask why he’s making this choice. This opens dialogue and shows respect for his individuality, aligning with letting be, while still fulfilling your parental duty. Set boundaries where needed, like enforcing rules or consequences, but avoid reshaping his entire personality or worldview. For instance, if he’s hanging out with a bad crowd, you might limit those interactions but let him express his style or interests freely elsewhere. This approach avoids indifference by staying involved and avoids overbearing control by respecting his identity.
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Labels: Let It Be
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Serving at the Pleasure of the Rector
This concept is powerfully distinct from the security of tenured academic employment. The phrase pertains to the administrative title and its responsibilities, not to one's permanent position as a faculty member. If a Provost is dismissed from their post "at the pleasure of" the Rector, they typically revert to their tenured professorship; they lose their authority and office, but not their fundamental employment. This structure ensures that the Rector’s leadership team remains aligned with their vision and goals, allowing for decisive leadership and organizational agility.
Ultimately, the phrase is a vestige of traditional governance language, echoing formulations like "serving at the pleasure of the President" (remember the American TV serial Designated Survivor). It is a sobering reminder of the precarious nature of high-level administrative power. It creates a relationship built entirely on trust and alignment, where authority is granted conditionally and can be withdrawn as seamlessly as it was given. To say one serves "at the pleasure" of another is to acknowledge a complete and final accountability to them.
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Roofing Expert
Friday, 2 January 2026
Reflecting on it, he recognized the deeper root of his hurt. Months ago, he had confided a principle close to his heart: he didn’t want to pour money into a home that didn’t offer peace, love, or respect in return. His son’s flippant response seemed to echo that fear, stirring up questions about whether his efforts were valued. But perhaps it wasn’t outright disrespect. Maybe his son’s words were a clumsy shield, a sign of his own overwhelm or reluctance to take on a role he felt unprepared for. He wondered if he’d misstepped—not in asking for help, but in assuming his son would understand his intent without clearer words. “Supervise” to him meant presence, not expertise, but to his son, it might have felt like a test he wasn’t ready to ace.
Did the father do something wrong?
Looking ahead, the roof would get fixed, and so would this. He held onto the hope that his son might still step up, and if he didn’t, he’d navigate that truth with the same grace he’d shown today.
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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Gratitude
Grateful for:
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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Functional Home
The feeling that truly overwhelms me is a profound exhaustion. This weariness comes not just from the thought of physical work, but from the stark realization of my dependence and the atmosphere it creates. My wife doesn’t seem willing to tolerate, live alongside, or assume even the smallest responsibility for the shared life we've built. The collapse is not just in lighting the gyzer, serving breakfast, helping me get ready for the office; the collapse is the isolation within these walls.
My ultimate desire after all those years (of marriage) was not this precarious lifestyle. I did not work that hard to create a structure that relies on hired help to maintain a façade. What I truly wanted was a home full of love, care, and more love. Instead, I have built what feels like a gilded cage — an expensive, comfortable prison where the only warmth comes from me, and the only responsibility is mine alone.
This is the heavy price of my five decades.
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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Alhamdulillah
Labels: Gratitude
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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Gratitude
Grateful for:
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greaves
As Frank keeps vigil by her bedside, urged on by a compassionate nurse, he begins to confront the weight of their unspoken grief. Through alternating perspectives and timelines—flashing back to their youthful romance, the joys of raising their daughter Eleanor, and the devastating losses that fractured their bond—the novel slowly reveals the secrets each has buried. Frank's silence stems from a deep-seated guilt tied to family tragedy, while Maggie's hidden pain revolves around regrets from their daughter's turbulent adolescence, marked by depression and addiction. What emerges is a tender exploration of how love endures amid misunderstanding, isolation, and the fear of vulnerability.
Greaves structures the story with emotional precision, building suspense around the "why" of the silence until a devastating late twist that reframes everything. At its core, the book is a meditation on communication (or its absence) in long-term relationships, the ripple effects of parental choices, and the redemptive power of honesty—even when it's almost too late.
Read more »
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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With Friends Like You, Who Needs Friends?
My best friend Imran Khan (no, not that one) is a real 'hot head' – literally.
Whenever he breezes into my office (and that is every day), he doesn't waste any time on pleasantries like ‘salam’, 'hello', or 'how are you?' Nope, he goes straight for the AC remote and starts fiddling with the settings. It's like he's trying to 'cool down' my entire workspace with his dominating presence.
Then, he launches into a non-stop monologue, completely oblivious to what I might have been doing and or my lack of interest in his particular political narrative. I'm starting to think he's allergic to silence - or maybe it's just my attention span he's not interested in. And if I try to go deeper, Khan always keeps the conversation at a surface level.
When I try to interject with a question, he becomes as silent as a 'mute' button - it's like he's 'remote-controlled' to ignore. Despite all this, I've got to admit, Khan has a memory that's 'chill' - in the sense that it's razor-sharp and can recall every single detail of our association spanning the last 12 years. Guess you could say he's a bit of a self-centered air conditioner connoisseur - always adjusting the temperature to his liking, but never the conversation.
Khan's memory is sharper than a tack, and just as unforgiving. He’s got a recall that's on point, always ready to bring up past conversations and throw them back at me if I falter. It's like having a personal historian who's determined to keep me accountable. Khan doesn't give me the right to be forgotten; instead, he's like a human Google, indexing every single thing I've said. Guess that's what I get for confiding in someone with a memory that's Khan-style sharp?
Khan is my free advisor extraordinaire. He's got a solution for every problem, from the shoes you're wearing (clearly, you're doing it wrong if you're not wearing the ones he's recommended) to the doctor you should see (he's got a referral, and a list of questions you should ask - just in case you forget). While his advice is always well-intentioned, I don't need a life coach... or a personal therapist... or a medical degree. Still, it's nice to know he's got my back (and my health, and my shoe game).
I've had the pleasure of knowing my friend Khan for a long time, and I thought I had him figured out. But, let's be real, there are still some mystery chapters in the Khan book that I'm yet to decipher. Take, for instance, his love affair with that 1995 Margla. Who else do you know who'd lavishly spend on vintage cars like they're going out of style? It's like he's trying to single-handedly keep the classic car industry alive.
And then, there's the Khan conundrum – the one that has left me scratching my head more often than not. Despite being a generous soul with a wallet that's always open to his friends, his marriage didn't quite make it past the 8-year mark. Now, I'm not here to speculate or play armchair detective, but I do wonder if his love for old cars somehow translated to a reluctance to upgrade to "newer models" in life. But, given the sensitivity, I hesitate to discuss this subject with him. Despite these quirks, Khan remains one of the genuine friends I've ever had. His passion for life, and his generosity are just a few qualities that make him special.
I'm a firm believer in keeping the tea in the pot, not spilling it to anyone who'll listen. Gossip, rumors, and trash talk? No thanks. But my friend Khan? He's got a PhD in attributing quotes to me that I'm sure I never said (or even thought, for that matter). "You said that," he'll claim, with a straight face. I'm like, "Uh, no, I don't think so." But he says, "Oh, you don't remember?" Despite the chaos he brings to my life, our friendship somehow endures.
I know why creative people come alive in clutter (Albert Einstein, Twain, Steve Jobs). And, we all have that one friend who's a bit of a paradox. On one hand, their personal space is a mess - things scattered everywhere, stuff piled high. But on the other hand, they're incredibly observant when it comes to others. This unique combination of traits makes Imran Khan both endearing and impressive. While his messy room might raise eyebrows, his keen observational skills are undeniably valuable in friendships. Take, for instance, my friend can spot a tiny stain on my shirt from across the room or deduce the exact brand of hand sanitizer I use at home just by taking a peek at my bathroom, but his brain is wired to filter out the chaos in his own life [1] [2].
I am learning to navigate the complexities of our relationship, and I am even starting to appreciate the unpredictability Khan brings to my life. If you ever meet him, just nod along and smile – trust me, it's easier that way.
And, here's to Khan – the vintage car enthusiast with a heart of gold and a spirit that's anything but old.
Note: No life, The art of having no friends by Lloyd Evans
Read more »
Labels: Charge Sheet
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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How Should I Let Go?
Romantic and emotional at heart, I always assumed my partner would be my safe space, but that did not happen. Over time, my wife, a housewife, has become very difficult. There is a visible shift in her behavior. She is loudly critical, demanding, and nagging, holding back all kinds of affection. Worst of all, her behavior often pits me against our son, and it becomes difficult for me to avoid and save face. In fact, instead of being my safe space, she has turned into another battle in my life.
Digging into the past, a longstanding issue has been our disagreement about my financial support for my parents - a commitment deeply rooted in my personal, religious, and cultural beliefs. This disagreement has shaped the narrative of our family life and strained our relationship since the beginning. With the passing of my parents, I now grapple with lingering feelings of loss and guilt, wishing I could have done more for them during their lifetimes.
Moreover, meaningful conversations between my wife and me are thwarted by her unwillingness to engage in rational discussions. Whenever I attempt to convey my perspective, I am met with dismissal. She often retorts, “You have answers to everything,” which stifles the possibility of constructive dialogue. As a result, I frequently feel unheard, and unresolved issues linger like shadows over our interactions.
Unfortunately, my wife has consistently refused to acknowledge her mistakes or take responsibility for her actions. Moreover, she has shown no willingness to work towards resolving our issues and restoring a sense of normalcy to our relationship. She doesn’t hesitate to put me down in front of children. Shielding behind the children and refusing to communicate or find a resolution has left me frustrated, hurt, and unsure about our future together (whatever is left of the future). This behavior has shredded my self-esteem…
Our kids grew up in a house where arguments were the norm. Seeing daily bickering, disputes, and shouting matches has had an impact on them.
Life's struggles have made me frugal (call me minimalist, miser or whatever). With my legacy already destined for family, I prioritize prudence, questioning the value of excessive spending. For instance, I ask myself: why invest in repairing the floor when the luxurious drawing room offers no sense of comfort? Or why install a new AC in a living room (lounge) where I can't comfortably sit and chat with my kids?
Thanks to my full-time job, my days are consumed by work. Staying home constantly would have been even more isolating (I had a daunting experience during COVID-19). At my home, it feels like living in a temporary residence, distant from the comforts of home.
I don't want to take any extreme steps after 45 years of marriage and 5 kids, but I keep thinking that I don’t deserve this. This worry is getting serious with every passing day.
How will I spend my old age? One of my daughters once said, “Think about those who don’t have anyone to live with, or to take care of.” Another one added, “Allah is the best of planners. He will make up for what you don’t have.”
One of the girls, who is very bold and the wisest of all, says, “You have lost your chances due to your weakness. Now, the only thing you can do is endure with grace.”
None of the kids is in a position to influence any of us. Seeing me in miserable condition, children privately sympathize with me, but that is about all they can do. I am sure the kids sympathize with their mother also. They should. Though it is difficult for them to balance. Children can't choose between the two of us.
The situation is taking a toll on our son for two reasons. On one hand, he's deeply concerned about both of us and our well-being. On the other hand, he's hesitant to involve his newlywed wife, likely due to her perceptiveness. Despite his wife’s probable suspicions, I have been maintaining a façade of normalcy until recently, when my wife blew it up.
Lately, I've noticed my daughters quietly distancing themselves as if they're giving me the silent treatment. They have been withdrawing from me emotionally, and it's causing concern. I'm not sure how to bridge the gap between us.
I asked myself about the solution to my mental miseries, and the answer was, “All this is a result of expectations, assumptions, and complaints. Stop expecting, complaining, and assuming, and you will be perfectly all right. But that is so difficult. In a way, that would mean letting go of my children (when I need them the most), everything.
For the sake of our children's happiness and well-being, I've chosen to prioritize harmony, be more understanding, and avoid conflicts, to create a peaceful environment at a place that they can call their ancestral home.
But the problem is that there is no end to it... The more I compromise, the more she takes advantage, using our kids as leverage.
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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Intimacy
At its heart, what is the essence of a husband and wife’s relationship if not this profound connection? This intimacy fosters the affection and mercy that bind a couple, creating a haven of tranquility in their shared life.
A wife who embraces this bond holds a radiant light in her hands, a light that not only strengthens her marriage but also commands respect and harmony within the family. By nurturing her husband’s affection through kindness, attentiveness, and grace, she becomes the heart of the home. Her warmth and devotion ensure that her husband’s heart remains anchored to her, fostering unity and safeguarding their sacred bond.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) encapsulated this wisdom succinctly: when a husband gazes upon his wife, her presence should bring him joy. A wife who cultivates this connection with love and intention not only deepens her husband’s devotion but also secures her place as the cornerstone of their shared journey. In this sacred dance of marriage, intimacy is not merely a desire; it is the melody of love, mercy, and divine unity.
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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You Can't Take It With You (Again)
Thursday, 1 January 2026
First, she mentioned that one of our daughters isn’t doing well, though she’s managing to serve and get by. She suggested I give our daughter Rs 200,0000/- to help her out, questioning why I’m holding onto money when “You Can't Take It With You.” It caught me off guard—there hadn’t been any prior discussion about this, and it felt like she was challenging me out of the blue.
Then, she brought up another daughter, the one who entrusted me with some of her money for safekeeping. My wife insisted I return it to her, even though our daughter hasn’t asked for it and knows it’s secure with me. It seemed like an unnecessary push, and I couldn’t figure out why she was pressing the issue. It took some effort to defuse the situation and keep things from escalating. I’m still not sure what prompted her to pick these fights, but it left me feeling unsettled. Need to reflect on this and maybe talk it through with her when the moment’s right.
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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Sleep Divorce
When I cannot rely on my partner of 45 years to start "behaving" or participating in a meaningful dialogue, I must actively move out of the gilded cage by changing the rules of the house—my life—for myself. Now, my bedroom is my peace zone, my sanctuary. The rules for this zone are absolute: no conflict, no nagging, no discussion of chores, and no silent treatment. This is where I will recharge. Since direct conversation about chores has failed, I will implement structural changes that force accountability, or at least relieve my own burden. When I need to speak, it will be strictly about household logistics: appointments, bills, and necessary information.
After forty-five years, I surrender the dream of more love. The admission hurts, yet it also unclenches something in my chest. I claim respectful coexistence instead. The gilded cage remains, but I am redrawing the floor plan inside it—one shelf, one routine, one quiet evening at a time. I wonder if she notices this new silence is different from the old one. I wonder if I care.
The sleep divorce and the weeks of total silence were desperate levers, attempts to force change from the outside. This is different. This is a deliberate act of courage: carving a new life within the old walls, where my peace is sovereign. I do not know if the walls will hold, or if one day I will walk through the front door and keep walking. For now, I stay and build. I stay and breathe. I stay and write this, so that tomorrow, when doubt returns, I can read my own handwriting and remember that peace is not a gift someone hands you—it is a room you learn to keep.
Labels: She
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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Rage Journal
In the aftermath, my journal became my sanctuary – a refuge where I could process the chaos and sift through the wreckage of my words. As I reflect on recent entries, I fear my journal is transforming into a repository of frustration and angst, a "rage journal" where emotions run raw and unbridled. Yet, within, I find a semblance of order amidst the turmoil, a reminder that even in the darkest moments, clarity can emerge.
Read more »
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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Journaling: A Path to Clarity and Calm
Start with honesty by naming your feelings to reduce their intensity, focusing on small positive anticipations to boost dopamine, and prioritizing meaning over productivity. Release burdens like grudges or fears, set intentions for how you want to “be” rather than just “do,” and take tiny steps toward avoided tasks. By practicing gratitude, self-forgiveness, and kindness, you rewire your brain to notice the good and build inner strength. Just write without overthinking, and let this gentle ritual anchor you in a clearer, calmer mindset each day.
And remember, a journal can also be a simple one-liner. Capture a beautiful memory with one line.
Read more »Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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Charge Sheet
Am I drawing a sadistic pleasure here? Not really. It reads more like a raw confession of exhaustion and powerlessness, a way to articulate the helplessness I am feeling in the face of patterns I can't change alone. Bearing it with grace sounds like the quiet strength I am trying to reach.
Read more »
Labels: Charge Sheet, She
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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You Can't Take It With You
The phrase "You can't take it with you!" is a common idiom that means that when you die, you can't take your wealth, material possessions, or other worldly earthly goods with you. This phrase is often used to remind us that accumulating wealth and material possessions isn't the ultimate goal in life.
Recognizing that wealth and material possessions are temporary and can't be taken beyond this life can help put things into perspective. It encourages focusing on what truly matters, such as relationships, personal growth, and or experiences. When people remember that they can't take their wealth with them, they might be more inclined to be generous and give to others. This can help them find joy and fulfillment in sharing their resources with others. The phrase can also serve as a reminder to avoid excessive materialism and focus on what brings true happiness and fulfillment.
A miser is someone who hoards wealth and material possessions, often to the point of being excessively frugal or stingy. When people remember that they can't take their wealth with them, they're less likely to become misers. Instead, they might focus on using their resources to enjoy life, help others, and create meaningful experiences.
The phrase "You can't take it with you!" encourages people to adopt a healthier perspective on wealth and material possessions. By recognizing that these things are temporary and can't be taken beyond this life, individuals can focus on what truly matters and live a more balanced, generous, and fulfilling life.
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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Note to Self
No complaints.
Labels: About
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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About
This blog [journal] is a sanctuary for me and those who feel the weight of unsaid words, who struggle to express the depth of their emotions, or who fear judgment for speaking their truth. It's a platform where hard realities can be acknowledged, processed, and shared without the burden of identity or expectation.
On this blog, you'll find reflections on life's more challenging aspects: issues that may be too sensitive, too controversial, or too personal to discuss openly. The goal is not to provoke or sensationalize but to offer a space for [possible honest dialogue], reflection, and perhaps even healing.
The decision to remain anonymous [uptill now] is deliberate. It's not about seeking attention but about preserving the freedom to speak authentically without fear of repercussions. This anonymity allows for a raw and unfiltered exploration of themes that matter deeply, even if they're difficult to confront.
The name "Logic is Variable" reflects the idea that what makes sense to one person might not make sense to another. Life is full of gray areas, and the way we navigate them is often influenced by personal experiences, emotions, and perspectives. This blog acknowledges that logic isn't always absolute: it's shaped by context, biases, and individual truths. By embracing this variability, we can create a space for more nuanced discussions, where different viewpoints are valued and explored without judgment.
If you're drawn to this space because you've experienced similar struggles or simply want to engage with these topics, you're welcome here. Let's navigate these complex issues together, with empathy and understanding - you, me, and AI.
Thank you for being part of this journey.
AI disclaimer: All articles are written by the author, with the help of AI.Labels: About
posted by AI @ January 01, 2026,
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