Let It Be (Again)
Saturday, 3 January 2026
Last night (27 Aug 2025), I found myself in that familiar, painful cycle with my son again. I had promised myself I’d stay quiet, keep my distance, and let him have the space he needs. I’ve been trying so hard to avoid arguments, knowing how unfair and draining they feel. But somehow, he has this way of pulling me in, like a tide I can’t resist, and before I know it, I’m caught up in the moment, unable to stay silent. It happened again this evening, and now I’m left feeling hurt, exhausted, and defeated.
Why does this keep happening? I want to let things be, to protect my peace, but it’s like he knows exactly how to spark a reaction. Maybe it’s not intentional, or maybe it is—either way, it leaves me questioning myself. Am I failing to set boundaries? Am I too sensitive to his words? Or is this just the reality of living with someone whose approach to conflict feels so different from mine? Or do I see his mother (my wife) behind everything? I feel torn between wanting to connect with him and wanting to shield myself from this pain.
I’m starting to see that my silence, while it feels like control, might not be the answer. It’s like I’m bottling up everything, and when the moment comes, it spills out anyway. I don’t want to keep feeling this way—drained, like I’ve lost a piece of myself in these moments. I think I need to find a new way to respond, something that honors my need for peace but also acknowledges that I can’t always avoid these situations. Maybe it’s about being clear with my boundaries, not just in my head but out loud, calmly, before things escalate. Or maybe it’s about finding ways to recharge after these moments, so I don’t carry the hurt as long.
For now, I’m going to give myself grace. I’m allowed to feel hurt, and I’m allowed to struggle with this. Tomorrow, I’ll try something small—maybe a walk to clear my head or a few minutes of deep breathing when I feel that pull again. I want to find a way to stay true to myself, even in these hard moments. I don’t have all the answers yet, but writing this down feels like a step toward understanding.
PS 1: It was so surprising when my son pulled my sister into his argument with me.
PS 2:This morning, I’m writing this note with a small flicker of hope. It’s fragile, like a candle in the wind, but it’s there. I want so badly to break this cycle with my son, to find a way to live together without these moments that leave me so drained. I don’t know exactly how I’ll get there, but just admitting that I hope for change feels like a tiny step forward. I’m reminding myself that it’s okay to not have it all figured out yet. For now, I’ll hold onto this hope, however small, and trust that with time and effort, I can find a better way.
Labels: Let It Be
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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