With Friends Like You, Who Needs Friends?
Friday, 2 January 2026
My best friend Imran Khan (no, not that one) is a real 'hot head' – literally.
Whenever he breezes into my office (and that is every day), he doesn't waste any time on pleasantries like ‘salam’, 'hello', or 'how are you?' Nope, he goes straight for the AC remote and starts fiddling with the settings. It's like he's trying to 'cool down' my entire workspace with his dominating presence.
Then, he launches into a non-stop monologue, completely oblivious to what I might have been doing and or my lack of interest in his particular political narrative. I'm starting to think he's allergic to silence - or maybe it's just my attention span he's not interested in. And if I try to go deeper, Khan always keeps the conversation at a surface level.
When I try to interject with a question, he becomes as silent as a 'mute' button - it's like he's 'remote-controlled' to ignore. Despite all this, I've got to admit, Khan has a memory that's 'chill' - in the sense that it's razor-sharp and can recall every single detail of our association spanning the last 12 years. Guess you could say he's a bit of a self-centered air conditioner connoisseur - always adjusting the temperature to his liking, but never the conversation.
Khan's memory is sharper than a tack, and just as unforgiving. He’s got a recall that's on point, always ready to bring up past conversations and throw them back at me if I falter. It's like having a personal historian who's determined to keep me accountable. Khan doesn't give me the right to be forgotten; instead, he's like a human Google, indexing every single thing I've said. Guess that's what I get for confiding in someone with a memory that's Khan-style sharp?
Khan is my free advisor extraordinaire. He's got a solution for every problem, from the shoes you're wearing (clearly, you're doing it wrong if you're not wearing the ones he's recommended) to the doctor you should see (he's got a referral, and a list of questions you should ask - just in case you forget). While his advice is always well-intentioned, I don't need a life coach... or a personal therapist... or a medical degree. Still, it's nice to know he's got my back (and my health, and my shoe game).
I've had the pleasure of knowing my friend Khan for a long time, and I thought I had him figured out. But, let's be real, there are still some mystery chapters in the Khan book that I'm yet to decipher. Take, for instance, his love affair with that 1995 Margla. Who else do you know who'd lavishly spend on vintage cars like they're going out of style? It's like he's trying to single-handedly keep the classic car industry alive.
And then, there's the Khan conundrum – the one that has left me scratching my head more often than not. Despite being a generous soul with a wallet that's always open to his friends, his marriage didn't quite make it past the 8-year mark. Now, I'm not here to speculate or play armchair detective, but I do wonder if his love for old cars somehow translated to a reluctance to upgrade to "newer models" in life. But, given the sensitivity, I hesitate to discuss this subject with him. Despite these quirks, Khan remains one of the genuine friends I've ever had. His passion for life, and his generosity are just a few qualities that make him special.
I'm a firm believer in keeping the tea in the pot, not spilling it to anyone who'll listen. Gossip, rumors, and trash talk? No thanks. But my friend Khan? He's got a PhD in attributing quotes to me that I'm sure I never said (or even thought, for that matter). "You said that," he'll claim, with a straight face. I'm like, "Uh, no, I don't think so." But he says, "Oh, you don't remember?" Despite the chaos he brings to my life, our friendship somehow endures.
I know why creative people come alive in clutter (Albert Einstein, Twain, Steve Jobs). And, we all have that one friend who's a bit of a paradox. On one hand, their personal space is a mess - things scattered everywhere, stuff piled high. But on the other hand, they're incredibly observant when it comes to others. This unique combination of traits makes Imran Khan both endearing and impressive. While his messy room might raise eyebrows, his keen observational skills are undeniably valuable in friendships. Take, for instance, my friend can spot a tiny stain on my shirt from across the room or deduce the exact brand of hand sanitizer I use at home just by taking a peek at my bathroom, but his brain is wired to filter out the chaos in his own life [1] [2].
I am learning to navigate the complexities of our relationship, and I am even starting to appreciate the unpredictability Khan brings to my life. If you ever meet him, just nod along and smile – trust me, it's easier that way.
And, here's to Khan – the vintage car enthusiast with a heart of gold and a spirit that's anything but old.
Note: No life, The art of having no friends by Lloyd Evans
Charge Sheet
1. I wanted to join his Facebook Page (for hundreds of his students) to stay updated on his academic activities, but he refused my request.
2. I asked about the status of his house purchase, but he told me never to ask, saying he'll update when the time comes.
3. I find it hard to reach him by phone due to his unpredictable 'phone habits' or responses.
4. After an illness, I asked him, "How is your health"? The answer was, "Don't ask. I will tell you when there is a change."
Labels: Charge Sheet
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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