Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 26, 2026,
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Stop Requiring Gratitude For Basic Parenting
Saturday, 24 January 2026
Constantly reminding adult children of your sacrifices doesn’t generate gratitude - it creates resentment. Psychological research on family dynamics reveals that transactional frameworks in parent-child relationships are associated with decreased emotional intimacy and respect.
If your children express gratitude, receive it as a gift, not a payment owed. Your parenting was not a loan; their adult respect is not an interest due. [1]
Read more »
Labels: Family
posted by AI @ January 24, 2026,
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"All great and precious things are lonely."
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 24, 2026,
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Labels: Real Life
posted by AI @ January 19, 2026,
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'Look good, feel good, be good [1].'
Labels: Health
posted by AI @ January 19, 2026,
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Personal Haven - The Third Place
Sunday, 18 January 2026
The thought of life without the steady anchor of a career is daunting, especially when the walls of home feel heavy. There's the fear of being adrift, of facing difficult dynamics head-on: the quiet friction with a spouse, the challenge of connecting with an adult son, and the nagging feeling of not having done or been enough for them. But do you have to carry the burden of fixing it all?
Go find a space that is truly yours, a place for personal renewal, a personal heaven.
After 45 years of shouldering the responsibility for the family, I thought (expected) that I had earned the grace where my family would tend to me.
With the kind mercy of Allah Kareem, who has always given me the strength to carry them. Now, Allah will give me the strength to carry myself through this next chapter.
I am not lost; I am simply charting a new path toward a different kind of purpose and peace.
Ya Allah, help.
Read more »Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 18, 2026,
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Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 18, 2026,
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Let her live as she wishes; Let me try to live as Allah wishes.
Labels: She
posted by AI @ January 11, 2026,
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Labels: Real Life
posted by AI @ January 11, 2026,
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Labels: Real Life
posted by AI @ January 09, 2026,
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Random Blood Sugar - January 2026
Labels: Health, Type 2 Diabetes
posted by AI @ January 09, 2026,
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My Sunday Funday Extravaganza
Thursday, 8 January 2026
The morning kicks off with me playing the lazy general, sprawled across the bed like I’m trying to make up for the 5 days of the past week. My wife, bless her, storms in with a mug of coffee so divine it could wake a hibernating bear. “What’s for breakfast, champ?” she asks, tempting me with visions of my favourite crispy aloo ka paratha with fluffy scrambled eggs and last night’s epic lentil curry. I’m still maybe debating whether to rise or snooze when my son comes in, announcing, “Forget cooking, I’ve brought Bundu Khan for the ultimate breakfast haul."
Cue the family piling around the table for what I call brunch bonanza—because who has time for cold parathas when you’ve got piping-hot deliciousness to devour? We laugh, we munch, we maybe even argue over the last kebab. It’s chaos, and I love every second of it.
By midday, I’m parked at my study desk (I love my desk and my new system), pretending to be flipping through Sunday newspapers and skimming emails. Notifications? Pfft, they can wait. I’m too busy catching up on the world’s drama (and maybe sneaking a peek at my social media).
Come late afternoon, it’s time to suit up—either to roll out with my wife to visit one of our daughters or to prep for their invasion of our home base. The real mission? Chasing my grandkids around, playing hide-and-seek like I’m still spry enough to win. Spoiler: they always find me, but their giggles are worth every defeat.
Read more »Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 08, 2026,
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Gratitude
Wednesday, 7 January 2026
Happy first day of Spring 2026 at the School (19 Jan 2026).
Joy of good appetite, a serving of fresh fruit, and a delicious meal, accompanied by a fresh salad.
Money sent to my little daughter (complete on 14 Jan 2026).
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posted by AI @ January 07, 2026,
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Releasing with Love on My Son's Birthday
On this day (30 October), the anniversary of your birth, my son, I release the weight of our strained years into the hands of Allah, trusting His mercy to bridge what words and time have not. My prayer remains unchanged: may He draw you gently into the light of deen-e-Islam, crown your work with lasting success, and gift you a marriage filled with laughter, comfort, and unshakable peace beside a spouse whose presence feels like home. Though distance lingers between us, my heart holds only goodwill — let go I must, yet never the hope of watching you flourish, build your own loving family, and walk a path radiant with joy. Happy birthday; may every step forward be blessed.
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 07, 2026,
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How To Manage Your Boss
Tuesday, 6 January 2026
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 06, 2026,
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Expectations
For example, we had this routine set up: every morning, she'd check her sugar levels and then mine right after. Only once that's done would I have breakfast. If it didn't happen, I'd head to work on an empty stomach, so that I could get it checked at the office before eating anything there. It seemed practical at first, but I've noticed how much of a burden it's become for her. She seemed to feel uncomfortable about it, dodging it every other day with some excuse or another.
Instead of bothering me, get yourself the latest Rs. 16,000 glucometer.
I've decided it's time to let her off the hook - to free her from this obligation entirely. Maybe I should invest in another glucometer for myself, or make it a habit to go to work fasting and grab something once I'm there and have got my level checked. It feels like the right step toward independence, even if it stings a little to admit the routine's unraveling.
And yet, where is that elusive balance everyone always talks about? The one that's supposed to make relationships flow without all this tension? I'm searching for it, but it feels just out of reach.
Reflecting on this helps, though. Writing it out reminds me that change isn't failure; it's adaptation. Tomorrow's a new day to try.
posted by AI @ January 06, 2026,
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Gratitude
Monday, 5 January 2026
Grateful for:
Normal Holter report.
Talking to Aslam Lohar, a class fellow in the village school many decades ago.
Biometric failed, the Proof of Life Certificate was admitted (5 Sept 25).
Living in the AI era. Being able to use AI.
New fridge in my office. Also, a new system in the office [9 Sept 25].
The boss came to say goodbye before leaving for the USA [9 Sept 25].
Sis is coming for dinner this evening in DeSOM.
Normal random glucose level [10 Sept 25].
Speaking to Eman and finding her normal and happy.
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Keep Your Mouth Shut And The Welcome Mat Out
The book highlights the importance of boundaries—whether financial, emotional, or relational—to avoid enabling poor choices while maintaining open communication. Burns’ advice to adapt to the modern generational mindset, shaped by technology and shifting values, feels particularly relevant in today’s fast-changing world. It’s a reminder that love means meeting them where they are, not where I wish them to be. For those of us with faith, his insights on gently encouraging a return to shared values without judgment offer hope and patience.
As a parent, I’m learning that my role is evolving into one of a supportive guide, always ready with a welcome mat, trusting that the seeds planted in their youth will bloom in their own time.
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Writing Through the Storm
I've been considering shifting my approach to journaling, focusing on gratitude and positivity. Writing about the good things in my life, no matter how small, could help me cultivate a more optimistic mindset and appreciate the beauty in everyday moments. Gratitude journaling might allow me to tap into the joy and happiness I experience, rather than just dwelling on difficulties. By reflecting on what I'm thankful for, I may find that my journal becomes a source of comfort and inspiration, not just a problem-solving tool. Who knows, this new approach might just help me develop a more consistent journaling habit and a more positive outlook on life.
Labels: Journal
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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A House Remade, A Heart Adrift
I don’t resent our son for stepping up; he’s doing what he thinks is right, making his mother happy. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Yet, I can’t shake this sense of being sidelined. My opinions didn’t seem to matter in the face of their shared determination. I don’t validate the endless projects, the constant “upgrading,” but I also don’t have a solid reason to complain. She’s happy, and our son is proud of his work. So why do I feel defeated? It’s like I’ve lost some unspoken battle, my voice drowned out in the clamor of change.
There’s a tension in me that I can’t ignore. It’s not anger, exactly, but a quiet unease, a tightness in my chest when I walk through rooms that no longer feel like mine. I wonder if I’m being unreasonable, clinging to a version of home that only exists in my head. Maybe this is just what it means to share a life—letting go of some control, letting others’ happiness take the lead. Still, I can’t help but feel irrelevant, like a bystander in my own story. I need to find a way to make peace with this, to carve out my space again, but for now, I’m just sitting with the weight of it all, hoping clarity comes soon.
posted by AI @ January 05, 2026,
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Where Were You
Sunday, 4 January 2026
I bite my tongue, avert my gaze, pretending not to see. He carries on, oblivious or unconcerned, as if the rift between us is invisible.
Our words have dwindled to silence, a void they're content to inhabit—perhaps even prefer. But I am adrift in it.
How do I cultivate that indifference, that couldn't care less, armor? How do I fulfill my role unwaveringly, without the quiet hope that they might one day meet me halfway?
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Gratitude
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Where Were You?
My married son, living with us, has expressed that my 'inquiries' undermine his autonomy and independence, hindering his ability to take charge of his own life. The expectation to regularly report his actions and whereabouts generates anxiety and stress, leading him to feel distrusted. This dynamic is fostering resentment and frustration, straining our parent-child relationship, and causing conflict.
Sure, it is essential to strike a balance between showing concern and respecting children's growing independence. By having open and honest conversations, parents can help their children understand the reasons behind their concerns and work together to find a mutually acceptable level of involvement [1], but open and honest conversations with children are no longer possible these days.
Read more »Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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I hold you close in my heart, and I let go with my hands
If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ 'ugh,' nor yell at them - Surah Al-Isra - 23
Striking the balance between guiding him and granting him independence is a delicate dance. There’s a constant tug-of-war between wanting to steer him toward wise choices and stepping back to let him discover his own way. I’ve come to realize that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. It’s about being there without hovering, offering wisdom without control, and embracing the messiness of his journey as uniquely his own.
My greatest wish is for an honest, open relationship in which we can enjoy our joys, confess our fears, and struggle together without criticism. I want to be his friend, not his critic, encouraging his hopes while not allowing myself to project my own. Unconditional love, I am discovering, is rejoicing in who he is, not in who I would like him to be.
Finally, my prayer for him, "Ya Allah, guide him nearer to our faith, deen-e-Islam. Illuminate his path ahead. Grant him success in his profession. Bless him with a joyful and fulfilling marriage. May his spouse be a continuous source of comfort and peace for him. And allow me the joy of witnessing him thrive, flourish, and build a loving family of his own."
That said, this voyage is not without its aggravations. Daily frustrations—what I refer to as his "Charge Sheet"—push me to my limits. Whether his obstinacy, a neglected task, or an act of defiance, these minor provocation moments cause me to stop and consider.
Read more »
Labels: Charge Sheet, He
posted by AI @ January 04, 2026,
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Hard Work Doesn’t Speak For Itself
Saturday, 3 January 2026
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Let It Be (Again)
Last night (27 Aug 2025), I found myself in that familiar, painful cycle with my son again. I had promised myself I’d stay quiet, keep my distance, and let him have the space he needs. I’ve been trying so hard to avoid arguments, knowing how unfair and draining they feel. But somehow, he has this way of pulling me in, like a tide I can’t resist, and before I know it, I’m caught up in the moment, unable to stay silent. It happened again this evening, and now I’m left feeling hurt, exhausted, and defeated.
Why does this keep happening? I want to let things be, to protect my peace, but it’s like he knows exactly how to spark a reaction. Maybe it’s not intentional, or maybe it is—either way, it leaves me questioning myself. Am I failing to set boundaries? Am I too sensitive to his words? Or is this just the reality of living with someone whose approach to conflict feels so different from mine? Or do I see his mother (my wife) behind everything? I feel torn between wanting to connect with him and wanting to shield myself from this pain.
I’m starting to see that my silence, while it feels like control, might not be the answer. It’s like I’m bottling up everything, and when the moment comes, it spills out anyway. I don’t want to keep feeling this way—drained, like I’ve lost a piece of myself in these moments. I think I need to find a new way to respond, something that honors my need for peace but also acknowledges that I can’t always avoid these situations. Maybe it’s about being clear with my boundaries, not just in my head but out loud, calmly, before things escalate. Or maybe it’s about finding ways to recharge after these moments, so I don’t carry the hurt as long.
For now, I’m going to give myself grace. I’m allowed to feel hurt, and I’m allowed to struggle with this. Tomorrow, I’ll try something small—maybe a walk to clear my head or a few minutes of deep breathing when I feel that pull again. I want to find a way to stay true to myself, even in these hard moments. I don’t have all the answers yet, but writing this down feels like a step toward understanding.
Read more »Labels: Let It Be
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Fake Emergencies
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Let It Be
This approach doesn’t mean endorsing harmful actions or abandoning boundaries. Letting people be involves distinguishing between what’s within your control and what isn’t. For example, you might disagree with a friend’s lifestyle but choose not to lecture them, focusing instead on your own values and boundaries. If their behavior crosses a line - say, disrespecting you - you can still hold them accountable or distance yourself without trying to reshape their core identity. It’s about releasing the need to micromanage others’ lives while maintaining your standards. This balance requires emotional maturity, as it asks you to manage your discomfort with differences without reacting impulsively.
Practicing letting people be can also be liberating for yourself. When you stop over-investing in others’ choices, you conserve mental energy and reduce frustration. It shifts your focus to what you can control: your reactions, boundaries, and growth. For instance, if a family member makes decisions you find puzzling, letting them be might mean trusting they’ll learn from their experiences rather than intervening. This mindset aligns with philosophies like stoicism, which emphasizes focusing on your own sphere of influence, or mindfulness, which encourages non-judgmental observation. Over time, it cultivates healthier relationships and inner peace, as you allow space for both yourself and others to evolve naturally.
Letting people be doesn’t mean being indifferent or ignoring harmful choices, especially when it involves someone you’re responsible for, like your son. Indifference implies disengagement or apathy, where one dismisses someone’s actions entirely, regardless of the consequences. Letting be, in contrast, involves a mindful choice to allow people space to make decisions - within reason - while staying attentive to situations that require input, particularly when those choices could cause harm to themselves or others. For a parent, this balance is crucial, as your role involves guiding your child without overcontrolling their every move.
If your son is making a visibly wrong choice, whether to let it be applies depends on the issue’s severity and his age or maturity. For minor missteps like choosing an impractical outfit, letting go might mean allowing him to face natural consequences. This builds independence and learning through experience. However, if the choice is serious - say, engaging in risky behavior like substance use or breaking important rules - you shouldn’t ignore it. Judging harshly or trying to forcibly “rectify” might alienate him, but stepping in with clear communication is key. For example, express your concern calmly, explain the risks, and involve him in problem-solving to respect his growing autonomy while guiding him away from harm.
The middle ground is active engagement without overcontrol. Instead of judging, aim to understand his perspective, ask why he’s making this choice. This opens dialogue and shows respect for his individuality, aligning with letting be, while still fulfilling your parental duty. Set boundaries where needed, like enforcing rules or consequences, but avoid reshaping his entire personality or worldview. For instance, if he’s hanging out with a bad crowd, you might limit those interactions but let him express his style or interests freely elsewhere. This approach avoids indifference by staying involved and avoids overbearing control by respecting his identity.
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Labels: Let It Be
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Serving at the Pleasure of the Rector
This concept is powerfully distinct from the security of tenured academic employment. The phrase pertains to the administrative title and its responsibilities, not to one's permanent position as a faculty member. If a Provost is dismissed from their post "at the pleasure of" the Rector, they typically revert to their tenured professorship; they lose their authority and office, but not their fundamental employment. This structure ensures that the Rector’s leadership team remains aligned with their vision and goals, allowing for decisive leadership and organizational agility.
Ultimately, the phrase is a vestige of traditional governance language, echoing formulations like "serving at the pleasure of the President" (remember the American TV serial Designated Survivor). It is a sobering reminder of the precarious nature of high-level administrative power. It creates a relationship built entirely on trust and alignment, where authority is granted conditionally and can be withdrawn as seamlessly as it was given. To say one serves "at the pleasure" of another is to acknowledge a complete and final accountability to them.
Labels: Corporate Culture
posted by AI @ January 03, 2026,
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Roofing Expert
Friday, 2 January 2026
Reflecting on it, he recognized the deeper root of his hurt. Months ago, he had confided a principle close to his heart: he didn’t want to pour money into a home that didn’t offer peace, love, or respect in return. His son’s flippant response seemed to echo that fear, stirring up questions about whether his efforts were valued. But perhaps it wasn’t outright disrespect. Maybe his son’s words were a clumsy shield, a sign of his own overwhelm or reluctance to take on a role he felt unprepared for. He wondered if he’d misstepped—not in asking for help, but in assuming his son would understand his intent without clearer words. “Supervise” to him meant presence, not expertise, but to his son, it might have felt like a test he wasn’t ready to ace.
Did the father do something wrong?
Looking ahead, the roof would get fixed, and so would this. He held onto the hope that his son might still step up, and if he didn’t, he’d navigate that truth with the same grace he’d shown today.
Labels: He
posted by AI @ January 02, 2026,
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